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5 Ways to Avoid the Mommy Wars

Avoid the Mommy WarsWhen I became a mom, I was shocked by how intense the whole mommy world was. I didn’t realize there was a “Mommy War” going on.  I guess I should not have been surprised…combine social media and the topic of parenting and it can bring out the worst in some people. However, I believe that most women want to be encouraging and supportive rather than negative.

Here are five ways to avoid “The Mommy Wars” :: 

Avoid Crazy Message Boards

When my first child was born, I joined an on-line message board for new moms. I loved the thought of being able to connect with other women in the same stage of parenting. Let me tell you, it was drama drama drama. A place to ask questions turned into an all out mommy civil war. Sadly, some individuals find it easy to be rude, hateful, or judgmental sitting behind the safety of a computer screen. I learned quickly that not all message boards are created equal. Some can provide a wealth of knowledge while others discouragement. Be picky about where you connect on-line. (We hope you find the Dallas Moms Blog Discussion Boards to be Mommy War FREE!) 

Give Opinions Only When Asked

Let’s be honest, moms are opinionated. We all have our own passionate beliefs about parenting. While I am all about sharing advice (like through this blog), sometimes it’s better to keep it to yourself. I remember getting tons of advice when my son was born. While I knew most people were well-meaning, it felt overwhelming and judgmental at times. I try to make it my rule to give advice only when asked.

Get to Know Different Moms

Confession: I am a recovering type A mom. For example, in my son’s first two years of life, he probably missed his nap a total of five times. Time and experience helped me relax but more importantly spending time with other moms was the key factor. Seeing women I respected parent differently encouraged me to calm down and stress less. Parenting is based on so much more than a linear philosophy and we can all learn from those who are different.

Don’t Take Things So Personally
 
What is more personal to a mom than her kids? It can be very hurtful when someone criticizes your parenting choices. However, sometimes I think we mistake differing opinions and passions for judgement. For example: just because someone is passionate about breast feeding doesn’t mean she is judging you for using formula (I’m guilty for feeling like this).
 
Never Say Never!
 
“I’ll never” is dangerous parenting phrase. While I have stuck to my core parenting beliefs, I have definitely eaten my words multiple times in other ways. I was the mom whose son had a pacifier until four and whose daughter potty trained well after three. Yikes. Sometimes your best made parenting plans get thrown in the trash and that’s ok because it helps us relate to other moms.
 

How do you try and avoid the “Mommy Wars”? Post your comments below.

 
 

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2 Responses to 5 Ways to Avoid the Mommy Wars

  1. Greg April 21, 2015 at 4:07 pm #

    Thanks for taking the time to write these hints. It is good to hear about what moms need and I especially like the last hint regarding never saying never. When raising my children I found myself being in my parents position. Things I said I would never do have been broken down and “never” was wrenched from me and spilled everywhere.
    Never is an absolute. Flexibility is really the norm, especially with children.
    I seek advice from anywhere until I find my roof that the tornado swept from my home.

    Thanks for sharing and your gift to everyone.

  2. Beancounter April 23, 2015 at 2:06 pm #

    I think much of the Mommy Wars stem from simple lack of respect for differing opinions. I think mothers have the same goal in mind – the well being of their children – but the philosophical differences on how to achieve that are just that: differences. Unless the child is neglected or abused, then either wait to be asked your opinion or open a conversation about it by asking the motivation behind a mother’s particular behavior. You may surprise yourself and learn something. 🙂

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