I can’t even, y’all. And I don’t mean this in “basic girl” speak. I just can’t deal with the state of our world anymore.
My mother once told me when she was pregnant with me, she watched a documentary on starving children and my father came home to her sobbing and immediately banned her from watching anything that featured harm to other people; especially children. My mother told me, “Just wait, until you have your own children-everything hits you differently.”
Oh, how right she was.
Sandy Hook was the first event that truly shook me up. My daughter was almost three and not even in school yet, but as soon as I heard the news, my instincts were to leave work immediately and scoop her up in my arms and to vowed to homeschool her. I knew that wasn’t rational, so I spent the rest of the day at work pouring over websites, reading the latest updates, and trying to stop the tears between interactions with customers and coworkers.
Over the last several years, violence, torture, natural devastation, hate, and horrific tragedies have filled my social media feeds. Over the last year I feel like every day I am faced with another horrific event.
Recently, my younger brother messaged me to let me know that there was an active shooting situation occurring next to his building, he was on lock down, and all I could do is sit and wait until I received the, “all clear” message. Mercifully that text came, but not everyone is as lucky and it literally tears apart my heart.
Then you have the after fact that perpetuates the hurt and pain. The anger, the blame that so many are quick to wrongly place on entire groups of people, the accusations that a complete accident of a child is the fault of parents. The personal agendas using tragedies to catapult their voice into the limelight not even an hour after news of another event has happened. I know it is a catchphrase, but the only words that come to describe my feelings about this is, “I can’t even.”
When these types of events occur, everyone is quick to repost the Fred Roger’s quote:
“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, “Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.”
And it does help-seeing the massive lines of people attempting to donate blood immediately following the Orlando tragedy renewed my heart-showing that the good far outweighs the evil. But evil is still happening every day and no one can stop it from happening… and it makes me angry.
I typically try to end my blog posts in a pretty little bow-neatly ending my thoughts with something positive or reflection upon my story showing the perspective I have gained.
But today… Today I’m mourning the state our world is in and I just feel helpless. Tomorrow I will be one of the helpers.