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Motherhood: This Lonely Never-Alone Stage of Life

We all have seen the memes poking fun at moms’ plural status:

who-needs-vacationAnd it’s true!

I shower, potty, cook, clean, shop, nap, and everything else you can think of with my two mini-me’s (and usually both dogs too). I work part-time as a Preschool Director and whether I’m at school or working from home, they’re there. My solo hours are between 8pm-6am (more or less) and that is when I usually have me time. A.K.A finishing up work or watching one of my shows and going to bed.

Though I am almost never alone, I often find myself lonely! I am even an introvert (INFJ over here!), but I am a relational introvert — meaning I need my alone time, but I also require connection. You will never find me as the life of the party, nor would I stand on the borders uncomfortable or alone, but probably in the corner having a deep conversation with a dear friend.

As a mom, I have little time for connection. We almost as a rule selflessly put our kids first and ignore our own needs. Some moms don’t take care of their health, or maybe choose yoga pants and t-shirts as their uniform during these survival years (which isn’t bad, just not how many of us used to dress before children). Some give up careers or dreams, and so many others — like myself — put their social lives on the back burner.

I’m a part of many different mom groups on Facebook, and one of them in particular is quite large, and does their very best to be nothing but loving and supportive of one another. As these posts pop up on my Newsfeed, I see over and over again stories of loneliness, lack of friends, being stir crazy because they don’t feel like they have anyone to talk to. Y’all it breaks my heart.

Motherhood is hard. I rate teaching as hard as parenting, but at least I got summers off. And we need to give ourselves an equally deserved break to recharge, bond, commiserate, reflect, advise, and encourage or we will just burn out.

mom-needs-alone-timeI may feel lonely often, but I do have my tribe. The moms that I can text anytime for a Chick-fil-A play date or park outing. Friends who will come over and not bat an eye at my dusty shelves and cluttered counters, and who may even wipe a sticky yogurt hand print off the fridge.  And yes, when you go to play dates, half the time is spent with your eyes on your children as they race around the park, so you have to carve out some kid-free time too. Trust me, Daddy will reap the benefits of an emotionally healthy mom and if you’re riding solo (bless you), the babysitter will be worth it. (And if you’re thinking that’s out of the budget, trade sitting duties with a friend! You watch hers for a night and then she watches yours!)

Sweet readers, I hope you have a tribe. If you don’t, this lonely never-alone stage of life will be much harder to bear (in my humble experience).

 

Here are some ideas to find moms in your area, with your interests, or just in your stage of life:

1.Workout groups ::

2. MOPS

3. Facebook :: I know, seems weird, but several of the groups I’m in have regular in person meetups! Give Dallas Moms Blog’s a try

4. DMB Events :: Duh! Mommy Speed Dating is obviously geared toward this, but all events, including the local play dates are great for this!

5. Mother’s Day Out :: Just because your kids are the ones enrolled doesn’t mean you can’t reap the benefits too! Stick around after drop off and ask a fellow mom to coffee! Or ask a family for a park play date after pick-up!

6. Church/Bible Studies :: There are lots of options here, but… 

  • BSF is a large organization with locations across the metroplex, with or without childcare.  
  • Watermark also has Square One for brand new moms, which a lot of my friends have loved!

7. Other Resources :: Megan also wrote about finding your village & Heather shared a book she loved about finding mommy friends.

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