Play, Laugh, Sing, Read, Listen, Hug

This is the mantra I chose to guide my own parenting, to help me keep my  priorities in check when life gets overwhelming with dishes, laundry, to-do lists, and  EXPECTATIONS! These are the 6 action-words I choose to do with each of my kids on  a daily basis. This is my goal – sometimes it happens, and sometimes it doesnʼt. I chose  them because (wearing my expert hat) they are the most important part of a young  childʼs healthy routine, brain development, and emotional foundation. But I also chose  them because (wearing my Mommy hat), when I am in the moment, sharing these  moments with my kids, ordinary moments become memorable moments, and this helps make me a joyful mommy. I chose them because I think they will grow with me and my kids, and will  always serve to keep us close. I keep these words up on my bathroom mirror, in my car,  on the fridge, and on my laptop….”Play, Laugh, Sing, Read, Listen, Hug”, an important reminder in the thick of things.

I was reflecting on this mantra yesterday before going to bed. It’s been a rough parenting week for me with hubby traveling, lots of work commitments, the anxiety of  piecing the  ever-changing childcare puzzle together, dealing with an unusually defiant 4-year old and his healthily defiant 2-year-old sister, and frankly, my priorities have been a little out of whack lately. I recognized that though we’d had our bad moments during the day, for sure (like Mommy calling Grandpa in for back-up when I just couldn’t handle it anymore), it was the good moments, the “Play, Laugh, Sing, Read, Listen, Hug” moments we shared that allowed me to go to bed with sigh of relief, a smile in my mommy heart, and hope for a good day tomorrow.

It was the deserted island that MJ and I had discovered and explored on our morning walk, gathering roots and berries for the native wild cat (really a neighborhood pet who had wandered out to meet us in the cul-de-sac garden.) It was the giggles shared by me and Ellie as I spun her around upside-down after her nap. It was hearing my children take turns singing “Silent Night” to each other at bedtime (we’ve been stuck on it since Christmas). It was getting lost in the magical pages of “James and the Giant Peach” with MJ as we snuggled in his bed, re-reading a favorite. It was getting that BIG hug and grin from Ellie when I picked her up from Mother’s Day Out. It was hearing MJ explain his bright idea for sharing homemade cookies with hungry people during our upcoming “Good Deeds Week”…”You know, long ago, people used to just spread the cookies out on their yards so that hungry people  walking by could just get one.” (See the real plan for sharing cookies and giving back for Good Deeds Week, and join us!) These were the moments that had kept me going all day, like little pats on the back, “You’re doing it, Mommy”!

Some of these moments were planned, some spontaneous, but what they had in common is that I was intentional about receiving them and using them as an opportunity to connect with my kids in an authentic way – to  practice being truly present with them – to let the love flow – and I needed it! That’s what I mean when I tell new parents, “Enjoy the enjoyable moments.” Cause I know, a lot of them suck! As a teacher of parents, parenting blogger, and especially as a mommy, I’m not working on making all of the moments between me and my kids or you and your kids meaningful moments, much less transcendent ones. I can’t put that kind of pressure on myself or them. Heck, the reality is that some moments will hardly even be tolerable. And that’s why we hard-working, exhausted parents need to focus on the good stuff! I don’t want to miss those good moments, and I want to be intentional about making room for some of them – in our day, in our routines, in our lives. And when they happen, I will give thanks for them, and use the little lift to help me get through the rough spots, cause I know one’s just around the corner (or down the hall, or at the dinner table, or waiting on the next car ride). Let these priorities guide your “intentional parenting”, or come up with your own…

Play Did you know that if you concentrate on playing with your child at least 5 minutes a  day, it can reduce power struggles by 50%? Now thatʼs worth a try! (That means TV off,  ringer off, brain engaged, on the floor, in the costume or in the mud, and let them call  the shots.)

Laugh Did you know that laughing not only lowers stress, but also helps boost the  immune system? Find what gives your child the giggles this week, and make a point  to laugh with your child, not at them;) There is nothing like genuinely cracking up with  your child!

Sing No matter what you think of your own voice, I guarantee it is your childʼs favorite  one to hear! They knew it well before they were born, and will hopefully be “hearing” it  in their heads and hearts long after youʼre gone (the good stuff, fingers crossed). Start with 3 songs a day, and I promise Iʼll give you a song for every task, every animal, every  occasion before my blogging days are done.

Read Reading aloud to your child is an easy way to accomplish so much: physical  touch and connection, bonding over a shared experience, language development,  developing attention span, growing imagination, and it provides a mental escape for you  and your child from the stresses of reality. (Because who wouldnʼt rather be in the  Hundred Acre Woods?)

Listen Every child, even babies, need time to express themselves – their feelings, their  stories, their newly discovered sounds. But, we must provide them silent space and full  attention to really hear what they are saying. In this way, we honor their very essence.   Maybe itʼs in the car, in the bed, over dinner, snuggling after nap – find their sweet spot  (time and place) for opening up, and make yourself available. Youʼll learn so much!

Hug Snuggle, kiss, wrestle, massage, stroke…your child physically needs your loving  touch for healthy development. Loving, physical connections on the outside literally  make neural connections on the inside. Enjoy it while they still want it, and give it to  them even when they “outgrow” it, because they never really do.

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Lowry Manders is a mommy of 2 children (4-year-old Michael James and 2-year-old Ellie). She is a music teacher, teacher of parents, child development nerd, writer and blogger. Her mission is helping families to make connections. She offers parenting tips and inspiration on both her website and personal blog.