To try for a third….or not try for a third.
This is a question that is constantly on my mind. I waver back and forth. If you ask me on Monday around 5:30 when all hell has broken loose in my house my answer is NO. We. Are. Done. But come Friday night, when we have had a fun night out as a family and the girls are tucked away in their beds and I am on my second glass of wine, well if you ask me then my answer has changed. It’s not a yes. But the idea sounds appealing and the percentages have gone up from 90/10 we are done to a 80/20 we are done.
My type A personality likes to weigh in too. I have a pro and con list always running in my head.
Pro – I really love being pregnant
Con – but meh, the morning sickness
Pro – they are so cute and cuddly and smell so wonderful
Con – but they are super needy and we don’t get to sleep (and I really don’t like the newborn stage)
Pro – it would be really nice to maybe have a boy
Con – but who are we kidding, we will have another girl
Pro – I want to have a chance at successfully breastfeeding a child
Con – but who are we kidding, this kid won’t latch either
Pro – I want a big fun family around the house with lots of grandkids when we are older (my love of the show Parenthood might have contributed here)
Con – we have to feed one more mouth, pay for one more college education, one more wedding (again, it would be a girl)
There is so much to consider. And it’s beyond just me. It’s about our entire family. Do the girls want a sibling? How would they handle the dynamic when they just got used to each other. What about my husband and our marriage? Does he want to add more to our plate? We are already stressed and worn out. Could we survive a third baby? And finally, what about the baby? Can we provide for that baby in the way we want to? Can we give her all the things we have given her sisters emotionally, physically, financially?
The questions, they are daunting. But deep down, when I really reach into my heart I feel a tug. A tiny space that a third child would fill. And I can’t get it to go away. A feeling that we just aren’t done. That our family isn’t quite complete.
And then there is that part of me that is being selfish. The part that can’t believe her first baby is almost 5. FIVE! That my last sweet snuggly newborn is running around the house talking and being a real person. Time is cruel. And I want to turn it back. Turn it back so I can smell that teeny baby scent one more time, swish and sway and sush through the house one more time, encourage the crawling and step back in awe and pride watching first steps one more time. Just one more time. And this time really soak it in knowing its the last time. 100%.
I am not sure what is going to tip the scales one way or the other. For now, I am going to enjoy the two little loves I have and we will see what God has in store for us.
Are you wrestling with the idea of adding more kids? If you have recently decided to grow your family what was the decision maker? I clearly need more guidance.