Mom Confession :: He Almost Ran Me Away from Church

It is so important to know and be able to recognize the signs of predatory grooming of children.  This is a pretty heavy piece for me. I think I will just get right into it and take you through a painful memory for me.

Setting the stage

At a church I was a previous member of, there was a new musician who gave me a weird feeling. My son was probably around 8 months old, and this male musician had taken a keen interest in him. It was more than just friendly, and all my internal sensors were going off. I continued to go to this church, not completely ignoring my gut, but not acting on instinct as I probably should have. I mean, I was a Child Protective Services worker, I was Child Welfare certified!! Things continued to escalate. This gentleman would come and speak to my child and ignore me completely. He would ask to hold my son, and he would actually kiss him on the cheek. That was a big red flag to me because in my opinion, no male should kiss my child outside of their dad or granddad. I remember expressing concern to my mom, to my dad, even to my son’s dad. They felt I was somewhat overreacting, but God gave us instinct for a reason. I decided to approach the pastor of the church with my dilemma, and also give some referrals to some training that the church could use to be better prepared to deal with child predators. While he listened, nothing was really done, and no training was scheduled. At that point, I knew I had to take the issue into my own hands.

Talk to others

After my mother saw how serious I was about this man being an alleged child predator, she started to ask around the church to see if anyone else had gotten the same vibe. To our surprise, I was not the only person that felt this way. It was around that time that I first started limiting my activity at the church. I couldn’t be comfortable knowing that my child wasn’t safe. Although he hadn’t done “anything”, I believe he was engaging in a form of “grooming” which meant he was establishing safe boundaries with my child. As a parent, it is up to me protect, and if I allowed this man to establish a safe relationship with my son, then I would have failed him. The best way to stop this was to not place my child in that situation.

Be prepared

I couldn’t avoid the church indefinitely, so my second step was to inform my circle of people, whom I did trust around my child, that this man was not allowed to pick up or hold my son. As a matter of fact, if he comes around, go the opposite way. This situation did happen, and as he would speak, I would smile and make my way to the other side of the church. I actually had prepared a script in case I was in a position where I couldn’t avoid him and I had to be direct. My script was “I’m sorry, but I do not feel comfortable with you touch or speaking to my son. I will only ask once that you walk away before I am forced to take further action”. I recommend you have a speech of your own.

Help others understand the signs

My last step was setting a precedence. It was very obvious that I was making sure he had no relationship with my son, so eventually he started to move on and leave my son alone.  I also talked to some of the other moms and gave them signs to watch out for because although he had moved on from my son, that didn’t mean there were other kids that he had started the grooming process with. I thought that maybe we were finally safe, and that I had completed a good act.

Don’t make excuses

Then one Sunday after my daughter was born, I was in the lobby about to breastfeed and he walked out into the same area. He stood there gawking at me as I prepared myself to feed my daughter. It was at that moment I realized that he was an overall pervert with no self-control for his sexual desires at all. He thought he had the perfect space, and unfortunately, many churches are the perfect place. This man was respected in the church, and unless you have the training to spot a predator, certain things can go unnoticed, or seen as “he just likes kids”. Because he never officially crossed the line with a child, I was unable to press charges, or have him labeled as a sexual offender. He left the church shortly after this, so I pray wherever he is, there is a mom there to trust her instincts and protect her child, and other children.

I say all of this to remind you that predators are everywhere, and that as parents, we must be diligent in protecting our children. Always trust your instinct; God gave it to us for a reason. Know the signs of “grooming”! Most sexual predators go after children who trust them, not strangers. You set the standard for who you allow your child around!

Lastly, don’t be afraid to fight back against these injustices. No one will fight for a child like a mother will. Own that fight mama!!