I am sure no one told me how hard it was balancing being a mother and wife. Okay, maybe one or two people warned me, but they definitely didn’t tell me that both motherhood AND marriage would be that hard. In my head, I had everything planned out. I planned how I would cook, handle the kids, work, clean, and also be the best wife ever. I had visions of this perfect little family where everything went right except for minor things that were easily solved with a conversation and smile. As long as everything went according to plan, life would be great!
Well, fast forward 4 years, 3 months, and 14 days, and I realize that my perfect plan, perfectly sucked. I have come to the realization that I am a better mother than wife, and that I am completely failing at this marriage thing! Here is the awesome thing about it; I am not the only one. I have spoken to many different moms who realized that the priority shift towards being a mother definitely tilted the scales away from marriage. It almost seems like being a mother comes naturally, and being a wife is work! Honestly, that is exactly what it is. It’s so easy to pour into little people that come from the best part of you, yet so hard to pour into the relationship that made those little people possible. As a person that doesn’t like to fail at anything, this has been a HARD revelation.
So how do you tip the scales back into balance so that you can win at both?
- Make time for the Marriage: Marriage is WORK! So you must make sure that you are doing the things that keep the foundation of a marriage strong and satisfied. This means date nights, quality time, and doing those things you did before you became a mom. The marriage won’t work on itself, so make sure you remember to place a spot on your calendar each month (or week) to get in some quality time with your significant other.
- Remember that without one, you can’t have the other: It’s easy to forget why you fell in love with your better half, so a great way to remind yourself of those reasons is to remember that you wouldn’t have your beautiful children without that person. Every time your child does something that reminds you of your partner, smile about it, and remember how they are half of the whole you built your family around.
- Don’t be so hard on the other person: We all want to be the perfect parent, and raise the perfect child, but unfortunately there are no perfect kids (although I would argue mine are pretty close). The battle of parenting can definitely cause a divide, but remember that parenting isn’t a singular thing and that it takes a village mold these little humans into productive adults. Go easy on your partner when they do something you don’t agree with and allow them to make the same mistakes that you are making, and not being judged all the time (insert side-eye).
One thing you must remember is, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Women each day are struggling with how hard it is to keep a happy marriage in the midst of all the other roles that there are. I recommend the book “Acing Motherhood; Failing Marriage” by Mira J. Rollins as a way to check yourself and help you deal with the wife guilt, mom guilt, and all around woman guilt that comes with being an everyday Superwoman. Don’t give up, don’t give in; it’s worth it in the end.
Mom confession: I STRUGGLE WITH THIS and there is no magic number of things that will help you balance, but you just keep trying until you figure our what works for your family!
What are your tips to win the Marriage/Motherhood battle??