*Takes sip of wine*
“Tell me everything…”
The 3 words I live for from my best friend. It doesn’t matter what is going on in our worlds, if one of us is in crisis or we get the “I need to rant” text, we always stop what we are doing and we say to each other “Tell me everything”.
I don’t need to tell you that motherhood…or just life in general…is full of “live and learn” experiences. In fact, I’m fairly certain I could make a fortune off of a hilarious but brutally honest book titled “Mom Fails & Other WTF Moments”. The good news is, I don’t have to live through those face palm moments alone! My support system is something else and I am grateful they are in my world. I’m convinced these ladies were created just to help me get through life. I’m sure they have other purposes to fulfill during their time on this planet, but to me, they were sent here to help me figure out this thing called Motherhood.
I don’t know about ya’ll but I would be completely lost without my girls. “My girls” has such a different meaning to it now versus pre-kid days. I can remember my younger self going out with “the girls” and living it up without a care in the world. Nowadays, “my girls” consist of a small tribe of women who carry the weight, and me, when I can’t. You’ve heard the saying “it takes a village”. Whoever said that is the most intelligent person in the world when it comes to parenting because it is the TRUTH. Especially being a single mother, I have come to realize how much of a village it takes to survive the peeks and pits of being a parent! I think as mothers we are just genetically programmed to put all of our needs last, I mean obviously our families will always come first but sometimes we have to take a minute for ourselves. I find that minute in my phone calls with the ladies of my “Mom Tribe”.
Speaking for myself, I would be completely lost in the middle of motherhood if I didn’t have these amazing women in my life. Each member brings something different to the table and each perspective is a parental blessing. We were not meant to parent alone or to live a life of solitude and sometimes, if I’m being honest, parenthood does feel lonely. I know there have been times in the past when I felt like I was lost in the dark without a person to lean on or talk to. That’s a terrible feeling no mother should ever endure, so finding those you can lean on in a dark moment is truly a gift. Motherhood is the messiest, scariest and most rewarding “hood” a woman will ever go through. I have moments, even though my oldest is almost 9, where I am like “Oh my gosh, I am a mom!” and it actually freaks me out. How am I responsible for 2 human beings?? I couldn’t do it without the people in my village!
Sadly, we live in a world where the majority of the mentality is “in order for my light to shine, I need to shatter another female’s glory”. I can’t tell you how many “mommy groups” I was a part of that I would leave conversations crying because the mom-shaming was out of control. Let me scream this from the roof tops – I am anti mom-shaming and I refuse to allow that toxic nature in my life. No one lives in the same world or faces the exact situation, so tell me how someone could possibly put themselves in a “holier-than-thou” place of judgment? Oh but they do ladies and you ABSOLUTLEY CANNOT listen to it. Strangers casting judgment blows my mind, but I know it is inevitable. Let me just say, I have been reamed for being an unwed, single mother of 2. I have had people tell me they can’t believe I was selfish enough to “expose my smallest baby to a world of racism and hatred” because she is half Hispanic. WHAT?!?! Where do women come up with the most absurd things that have absolutely nothing to do with an ability to successfully parent? Deciding who will be a true friend and honest heart in your Tribe can be tough, but making sure you’re surrounded by the right kind of support and love is essential for your role as a mother.
Do yourself and favor, if you don’t have a tribe now, you need one. There have been nights when I feel like everything I did that day was wrong and my ability to power through is found in one of those “tell me everything” phone calls! They either listen, problem solve or give me the reassurance I need as mother. We need to be reminded of that regardless of a bad day, we are doing the best we can because it is so incredibly easy to get beaten down and feel like a failure. Listen, I am definitely not saying you need to surround yourself with an army, but find that group of positive, influential mothers who have seen the good, the bad and the ugly and have been nothing but honest and supportive of you! We all are better parents when we have a strong support system and are able to bounce issues and ideas off of one another. Don’t try to go through the “hood” alone ladies…find that tribe and dive into a pool of support and love!
Moms, we totally can find a way to relate to each other.
Lets pledge to be better about making ourselves a present member of a village to raise these amazing children that are our future!