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If You Take a Mom to Target…

If you take a mom to Target…

She’s going to want a Venti Latte at the in-store Starbucks.

Sweet Sweet Caffeine!

The first sip of that foamy lifeline will remind her that she’s out of milk.

She will check her Cartwheel App to see if there is a special, and notice a 5% off coupon for Boogie Wipes, and figure she might as well stock up- because pollen.

While heading to baby care, she will get distracted by an adorable tiny t-shirt.

30 minutes later she will come out of some sort of walking coma and peer into her cart only to realize that she has amassed an entirely new wardrobe for her kids.

Deciding that they have too many clothes already, she will empty everything out except for a $4 shirt that says “What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?” (the answer BTW is Nacho Cheese!) 

Thinking of cheese will make her tummy rumble because she hasn’t eaten lunch- unless you count the half bag of 3-day-old Bunny Grahams she found in the car,

So she will start walking aimlessly up and down the bright shiny aisles throwing random food into her cart.

Then she will stumble upon the wine oasis.  

Ahhhhh!!

Even though it is nowhere near 5pm she will grab a Chardonnay and a couple of Pinot Noirs, you know…just in case…

Which will remind her of the novel she is supposed to read for book club in a few days.

She will start to head over to the media section, only to be tempted by a clearance sale on glass water bottles. 

While weighing the pros and cons of the pink rubber casing vs. the more “go-with-anything” gray, she will spot the athletic wear section.

On the way through she will snag a plain black Mossimo Supply Co. tunic off the sale rack because it might enable her to wear some of her crazier print LuLaRoe leggings out in public.

She will browse through sports bras before deciding that for the amount of actual exercise she does, a regular bra is fine.

This will remind her to check her steps for the day- 

When she looks at her Fitbit, she will see the time and realize that she has been in the store for an hour and a half and that she only has 10 minutes to get out of there before she’s late for school pickup.

Thinking of school will make her race one more lap around the craft area for the pom-poms, felt, and popsicle sticks she needs for the class project she signed up to do TOMORROW.

With just minutes to spare, she will speed through the checkout line, throw the bags into the car, and head off.

Driving down the road feeling very accomplished, she will notice a latte stain on her right boob,

Which will make her think of milk, which she forgot to get,

And chances are… to get that milk she will have to go…back to Target!!

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4 Responses to If You Take a Mom to Target…

  1. Hema May 2, 2017 at 11:30 am #

    Omg! I thought it was only me!! Love it!

  2. Erin C May 9, 2017 at 10:33 pm #

    Are you in my head?!? Lmao. This was perfect!!

  3. Erin C May 9, 2017 at 10:33 pm #

    And we LOVE Laura Numeroff’s books!!

  4. Sharon D May 13, 2017 at 5:46 pm #

    Hilarious!

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